Health

  I just realized today that I really need to watch out for my body. I've been neglecting it for quite a while now. I don't give it enough sleep, and it has wounds and injuries all over it. I scratched my finger this morning, as well as my toes. Also, I went to the hospital today to discover that my illness from half a month ago has not yet fully healed, which is why my back is hurting like hell. My blood pressure also went up above the average level for teenager my age.
  I really have to find a way to discipline between college work, homework, extra work, test preparations, and rest. I'm taking the TOEFL tomorrow and I'm still here typing my journal. I just finished reviewing for the TOEFL. Why am I still doing it as this hour? Because I totally didn't prepare for it, and I need to at least know the format for the test.
  Anyways, I'm going to sleep now. Wish me good luck! Good night.

Lazy + Smart = ?

  Today I have been thinking about a character for my story, and I have been debating with myself as to what type of job he should be doing. His personality is as follows: he is lazy, but has a very high intellect and is especially good at planning and creating strategies for about everything. Now, I have a few options for his career. The first one is a very common job found in stories; he's a businessman. His intellect would be very favorable for creating business plans to help the company profit. But then again, he's lazy, so he would be procrastinating a lot (which may get him fired). Option two is a private investigator. I believe that this one is the best option. His smart mind will be able to help him in investigations and related jobs, and even though he's lazy, he will have time to rest between jobs (and he can decide whether or not he wants to accept a job). The last option is similar to the second one. He's a policeman. But the cons are that he's lazy, and being a policeman means that he has to be at work on time. So I guess option two is the best. I'm still deciding.
  I also have to take into consideration that his girlfriend is a fashion line designer, along with his girlfriend's best friend. In my story, this character's job must be able to help his girlfriend in some way, but I don't know in what way. If he's an investigator, then maybe he will help his girlfriend's best friend with investigating something about the male protagonist (this character isn't the main character). I guess I'll have to work it out.

Tired

  I know it's kind of ridiculous that I'm already so tired and it's only the second week of school. Even though we have SAT Reasoning and Math II classes and college brainstorming for the next three days, I'm kind of glad that we get to take a break from that entire homework load. We still have them, but at least I know I can relax and do them at a pace that's not too slow but still comfortable for me.

  I feel like my brain's bursting from all the homework, practice tests, essays, and readings for classes that we have to do and complete. And it's really draining that I know when I wake up tomorrow I'm just going to have to face this all over again, and I absolutely dread it. It seems so far away until I will finally be able to escape this pressuring and stressing routine. But then again, right after I escape from all this, I plunge into another similar routine called college. I guess this is why I hate studying. The only part that I like is that I get to spend time with other people, and not all alone by myself. I'm not saying that I don't like it myself. It's just that I'm afraid that one day I might get isolated from other people.

  Anyways, what I really need right now is a whole week of sweet, sweet sleep. Goodnight!

Sacrifice

  Today I read a story that had tears forming and threatening to fall. A few of them escaped, and I wondered about one thing that was my moral of the story: sacrifice. What is sacrifice? Why do people sacrifice for others? I cannot help but not understand the feeling and meaning of someone doing so. All my life, sacrifices seemed so far-fetched from something that I would do, especially when it concerned life and death issues. I asked myself, would I give my life away to save someone I loved? My honest answer to that is that I don't know. I don't know because I never felt something that was even close to that type of strong emotion of love. Then I asked myself, do I yearn for love? And this time my answer was a bit clearer: yes, because I want to experience all that is good about it; and no, because I never want to be faced with a situation that has to do with sacrifice. It might seem like a coward's way of thinking, but after all that I've seen and heard, I don't think that I will be able to take a thing as heartbreaking and emotionally stressing such as sacrificing. If someone else did it for me, I would wallow in the guilt and not be able to live a proper life. I guess that I would be blaming myself for that person's sacrifice, and like the male protagonist of the story, be afraid to open up to anyone else and be afraid to love again. I don't know if my views of love and sacrifice will ever change, but I hope that one day I can find someone who will be able to open me up enough, like the female protagonist did the male protagonist.